Semi-Coherent Ramblings

Author's Note: The following is an exercise in stream of consciousness writing. Owing to the mental condition of the author when written, it might not follow in a logical pattern, but trust me, he was trying to get somewhere with it.

It's the week before finals and the week of my Capstone presentation. I am going absolutely crazy, like raving mad. The light at the end of the tunnel is so close I can almost feel it bathing my skin in it's effervescent glow. Yet, at the same time, I'm sitting here fumbling around in the darkness, hoping that my legs stay underneath me and allow me to continue heading towards the light. Again, I'm not sure I can over-emphasize the madness that has descended on my existence.

The one comforting thing about this madness is knowing that there are plenty of people wearing straight jackets right along with me. Feeling crazy is one thing, but feeling crazy along with other people makes it seem as if we have all contracted a temporary virus that has afflicted our ability to perceive reality as it truly is, or to question if that's even possible. See, who writes crazy thoughts like that on a blog post?!

This week, the week before finals, has always been a particularly trying one for me. My first semester at Southwestern, 3 years ago, this week saw me crying hysterically in the Wal-Mart parking lot while on the phone with my mother. It got better after that semester, but that same hysteria seems to be creeping back into my life. I anticipate having a hysterical crying moment sometime in the next week, just hope you're not the person around me when it happens. For safety's sake, better carry a package of tissues in your pocket, just in case.

How do I sum up the fall semester of my senior year? I have always felt that the only person who stands in the way of me doing something I set my mind to is myself. This semester has seen me question that notion. What if I truly don't have what it takes to make it through? I've never doubted my ability with regards to school, but I have found myself doing so several times in the past couple of months.

In the first couple of weeks of my Capstone class, I seriously considered dropping my Communication major to a minor and keeping only my other major, Spanish. Then I thought about all the years of hard work and studying I have put in to get to this point and wouldn't allow myself to quit. At this very moment, I regret that decision, but I won't come next Tuesday when I drop off the final copy of this godforsaken assignment. That's the light that's keeping me going. As long as I keep my eyes glued to the only source of hope in the darkness, I've got a chance of making it through.

In case you, too, find yourself in a dark tunnel with a light at the end, would you mind walking with care, as it's quite possible I could be on the ground rocking back and forth in the fetal position? If you find me, please just grab the collar of my shirt and drag me along with you. I might need the assistance.

Insanely,

Brady