Semi-Coherent Ramblings

Author's Note: The following is an exercise in stream of consciousness writing. Owing to the mental condition of the author when written, it might not follow in a logical pattern, but trust me, he was trying to get somewhere with it.

It's the week before finals and the week of my Capstone presentation. I am going absolutely crazy, like raving mad. The light at the end of the tunnel is so close I can almost feel it bathing my skin in it's effervescent glow. Yet, at the same time, I'm sitting here fumbling around in the darkness, hoping that my legs stay underneath me and allow me to continue heading towards the light. Again, I'm not sure I can over-emphasize the madness that has descended on my existence.

The one comforting thing about this madness is knowing that there are plenty of people wearing straight jackets right along with me. Feeling crazy is one thing, but feeling crazy along with other people makes it seem as if we have all contracted a temporary virus that has afflicted our ability to perceive reality as it truly is, or to question if that's even possible. See, who writes crazy thoughts like that on a blog post?!

This week, the week before finals, has always been a particularly trying one for me. My first semester at Southwestern, 3 years ago, this week saw me crying hysterically in the Wal-Mart parking lot while on the phone with my mother. It got better after that semester, but that same hysteria seems to be creeping back into my life. I anticipate having a hysterical crying moment sometime in the next week, just hope you're not the person around me when it happens. For safety's sake, better carry a package of tissues in your pocket, just in case.

How do I sum up the fall semester of my senior year? I have always felt that the only person who stands in the way of me doing something I set my mind to is myself. This semester has seen me question that notion. What if I truly don't have what it takes to make it through? I've never doubted my ability with regards to school, but I have found myself doing so several times in the past couple of months.

In the first couple of weeks of my Capstone class, I seriously considered dropping my Communication major to a minor and keeping only my other major, Spanish. Then I thought about all the years of hard work and studying I have put in to get to this point and wouldn't allow myself to quit. At this very moment, I regret that decision, but I won't come next Tuesday when I drop off the final copy of this godforsaken assignment. That's the light that's keeping me going. As long as I keep my eyes glued to the only source of hope in the darkness, I've got a chance of making it through.

In case you, too, find yourself in a dark tunnel with a light at the end, would you mind walking with care, as it's quite possible I could be on the ground rocking back and forth in the fetal position? If you find me, please just grab the collar of my shirt and drag me along with you. I might need the assistance.

Insanely,

Brady

Off-Campus Activity Blog

For my off-campus activity, I chose to attend the Up the Chisholm Trail Cattle Drive & Chuckwagon Cook-off, presented by the Williamson Museum. It was held on Friday the 17th and Saturday the 18th of September at San Gabriel Park here in Georgetown. I attended on Saturday, mostly because my friend Kelly was using my camera to take pictures and asked me if I was free to attend with her. I'm glad I did, as it allowed me to take a step back in Texas history and my own history.

The Chisholm Trail is the cattle driving trail that led from ranches in Texas to railways in Kansas, where the cattle were distributed to buyers. Interestingly enough, the town where I graduated high school, Ozona, Texas, is also located on one of the main feeder trails to the Chisholm trail. At the event, they hold a miniature version of the cattle drives that occurred during the trail's heyday. They also, as the title of the event would indicate, hold a chuckwagon cookoff that requires that participants be dressed in period costumes, attire that would have generally been found on the ranch-hands that drove the cattle north along the trail.

I mentioned earlier that going to the event was a step back in time in my personal history as well. I grew up outside Lubbock, Texas, for 12 years of my life and have been many a time to Texas Tech University's National Ranching Heritage Center, where there are chuckwagon cooks who demonstrate the cooking typical to the ranch lifestyle. There is also a museum that shows important dates in the history of ranching in the United States.

I went many times to the Center because my family on my mother's side were farmers for many years. Now, the family farm is a state-designated wildlife habitat. My mom has a few of the old farm "relics," like barbed wire and picture frames made from the the barn doors. It's interesting to me how quickly the world has progressed in terms of technology and output potential. If my family hadn't moved away from the farm due to the effects of the Dust Bowl, they would probably have delved further into debt trying to maintain a lifestyle when big corporations could produce the same crop at a fraction of the cost. That, however, is a thought best left to discuss another day.

Though I am only now getting around to writing this blog, I am sitting here wondering why I left it until the last minute as I always do. I didn't have much stress about school during September and I now have more than I feel I can handle. The life of rancher, riding a horse up a dusty trail sounds appealing in contrast to all this hard work I'm doing in pursuit of my degree. Then I remember that I would be sleeping outside on the ground and not showering for days on end and snap back to reality.

Brady

On-Campus Activity Blog

For my on-campus activity, I chose to attend the lecture over magic that was given by Dr. Larry Hass last Monday, November 15. I was joined in attendance by two of our cohort members, Dr. G and Steven. When I read the description of the event, I thought it definitely sounded like something that would be interesting to write a blog post about. When I left the event, I did so with many ideas about which to write, though none of them fit my original expectations.

The best way to describe the magic show portion of his show is how Steven characterized it as we walked through the Bishop's Lounge after leaving the event. He said, "When someone starts out with card tricks, it doesn't bode well for the rest of the performance." That statement accurately describes the rest of the magic performance. At one point, he put his hand and a deck of cards under a handkerchief that he had draped over his hand. I find that if a magician has to hide (outright) the trick, then I can no longer extend my disbelief enough to think that he has performed something that I cannot explain. Not to berate the man, but I'm just trying to give an idea of my view of the magic show.

Though he was far from the best magician I've seen, his ideas about what we stand to learn from the study of magic were intriguing. The "everyday magic" that we perform are the things we do that seem to have an effect that we cannot explain, such as shushing a baby soothingly to soften their cries. I didn't interpret this as magic, but I would like to see it as more than just a sound that soothes them. One connection he touched on, but didn't develop as fully as I would have liked was the function that magic serves in teaching us that some things cannot be explained on the surface, but in experiencing them, we learn to look at the world in different ways. Or, at least, that's what I gleaned from the lecture.

I also saw that the Communication Studies department was co-sponsoring the event, in addition to other departments. I enjoy the co-departmental events because I feel they bring a wider perspective to an event. However, this event was rather boring and I am having a hard time finding connections to any of the communication classes I have taken thus far in my time here at Southwestern.

I really found no meaningful connection to the event and though I didn't think it was awful, it definitely missed the mark and failed to live up to my fairly low expectations. That said, I think the kind of academic questions events like this one bring up are helpful and assist us in broadening our academic horizons, being open to new ideas and ways of thinking. That's what a lecture should be about, and in its goals, this event accomplished that.

Brady